[sticky entry] Bio

Thursday, January 30th, 2014 08:00 am
vampthenewblack: Buffy: What in the slashy heck? *I'm* the love of your lives! (slashy heck buffy)

A fan author playing in Teen Wolf, Supernatural, BtVS, and other fandoms.

This is a personal fandom blog, reflecting personal opinions, observations, and lots of fandom-specific stuff. I don't age restrict for the odd f-word that might slip into an otherwise all-ages post. My fandom interests include subject matter that, while acceptable in a fandom context, isn't acceptable elsewhere. If any of that is likely to offend, you probably shouldn't be here.

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Okay, so I was days late for the party, I knew SPN was restarting in October, but I hadn't gotten around to actually noting the date, and last night I figured I should check, and, lo, it started last week. So I had surprise-new-SPN to watch \o/ It's a bloody good thing I don't spend any time at all in my tumblr timeline, because I can imagine I would have been epically spoiled and we all know how much I hate that.


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Just some gifs from the episode.

Made entirely in the terminal cos I'm getting a better result and it's quicker and I'm learning new things and shit \o/


Want, take, have, don't be a dick.

As for the rest of the ep, I can't even talk right now.

The Objectivity of Value

Wednesday, May 25th, 2016 10:03 pm
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A thing just hit me. See, a couple days ago, I wrote a fic of ~1k. Start to finish, done in a day.

Now that might not seem like such a big achievement, and maybe it's not, I mean, on a normal day I'll easily hit 1k of a longer fic, and on a really good day I can do 4. Lots of people I know do more.

But when you've gone as many months as I have without posting anything, while also keeping up a regular writing schedule, finishing something, even 1k, is a big achievement.

Okay, so, it's not actually the first thing I've finished in however many months it's been. I've finished a couple things. Just a few. Longer things, though, and I've either rewritten them until I lost the plot and ran screaming, or filed them away for 'future edits'.

Yeah. I may have finished a couple things, but I haven't finished them, if you know what I mean.

That's almost relevant to what just occurred to me. Almost.

So, I finished this very short thing. And I looked at it, and I thought, well, that's editable. A few tweaks here and there, some line edits and spell checking, and that's postable.

And that, for me, lately, is fucking phenomenal. No rewrites from scratch. No tearing it apart only to completely fail at putting it back together again. Just a quick tidy up and throw it out into the world.

There's a few reasons for that.

  1. It's short. It's always going to be quick, whatever you're doing to it.
  2. It's pure porn without the remotest hint of plot. There's really nothing to fix.

But then comes the problem I have. I don't think it's good enough to post.

I overthink stuff, I'm told, and yes, I totally do. I admit that. But this...it isn't particularly good. It's passable, I think the grammar is reasonably sound, the spelling doesn't suck, it makes a certain amount of sense. It's porn, and I don't think it's bad porn, I mean, there's no turgid lengths and no one's getting reamed by a horse or anything, so yay?

It just seems flat to me. And, in my opinion, it could be lifted out of that flatness by the addition of some plot.

And therein lies my problem. I don't value this short bit of pwp, simply because of what it is. There's no plot. Nothing happens except for a bit of fucking.

But I know that as soon as I start putting plot into it, it'll balloon into a 30k epic, I'll hit a wall, break it, cry, and shove it into a folder so deep on my hard drive I'll never see it again.

That's just what happens to me lately, but I'm kind of over bitching about it, so I'm just going to leave that there.

My problem here is, I don't seem to value fic as much if it doesn't have that plot.

I used to read and write a lot of short pwp. Loved it, for years and years, that was my bag, baby. I was a short porn activist, even, proselytizing on the form to anyone who would listen.

Oh, how we change.

I still love a good bit of porn, but nowadays I need it framed in stuff happening. I need a fucking reason for the fucking, you know?

So. I don't value the thing that I just wrote because it's short and has no plot, and I do put value on longer fic where shit actually happens.

So I read longer, plotty fics, and I tend to scroll past the short fic marked pwp. Likewise, I only feel confident posting longer fic with plot, because that's what I personally value, but I can't do that right now. And I don't know what to do with this short thing simply because it's pwp and I don't feel like it's worth posting.


Later: I ended up posting it to a sock account I use for stuff I don't want on my regular AO3 account. It holds the really taboo stuff I can't be arsed dealing with wank over, and some really fucking odd shit I've written in the past.

But, hey. I wrote something. And I edited it. And I posted it (even in a really cowardly manner). That's something. It's progress.

What's really fucked up about the whole thing, though, is that just because I don't value it, doesn't mean there's not readers out there that do value short smut, just like I used to, back in the day. Case in point: it's getting a decent amount of kudos, and some really positive comments.

The moral of the story? I really really do overthink shit, far too much, and I need to just suck it up and embrace whatever I'm capable of at the time.

It's time to stop being a derp, and write some more goddamn pwp!

Some gifs

Monday, May 23rd, 2016 01:15 am
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From episode 05x08 - Changing Channels

more gifs )

Want. Take. Have. Just don't be a dick.

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So I just got done saying I wasn't going to sign up for anything until Camp NaNo in July, and then I went and signed up for [livejournal.com profile] spn_j2_bigbang. I'm officially insane.

But I did actually write something already. I got an idea over Christmas, and just wrote a little every day through New Year, until I got to the end. Because it's so damn rough, and so...well, unfinished (if I got bored with the scene I was writing, I just stopped and went onto the next one, so it's beyond gappy), I figured the only way I was ever going to get it posted (rather than tucked away in a dark corner of my hard drive to languish in obscurity) was to sign up for Big Bang. Deadlines work for me. I panic like fuck getting there, but I hit those deadlines. And I hate 'letting people down' so once I sign up for a thing, I'll get it done.

It pretty much means Camp NaNo is out though. Big Bang runs through August, but even if I get an early post date (posting starts in June), I know I'll be in an epic flurry of panic right up until the day, and when I've spent months with my head in just one thing, the last thing I want to do next is take on another long fic. I dunno. I won't say no until July, but I'm not holding my breath.

Really makes me think that perhaps, for me, Big Bang is the new NaNo. I mean, I NaNo'd religiously for 6 years, then last year I Banged, and come November I was just like, nope. One big thing a year is about enough for me these days. I must be getting old.

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Shit's been changing a lot around here. Getting a bit more outdoorsy, over the last year or so. Yep, I started growing things, out in the previously barren back yard last summer, and it went pretty well. What began with one easy care garden bed last September became many, and now I've got plants thriving all over the bloody place.

(It's summer right now in the Southern Hemisphere, of course)

That's pretty much why I chose to not do NaNo this year, because the garden is taking so much of my time, but it's really affecting my writing and fandoming (totally a word) across the board. By the time I do get a chance to sit down at the computer, I'm too fucking exhausted to even think, let alone create. Half the time I just choose to not bother turning on the computer at all. And that's not a major revelation these days, because smartphones and devices and shit, and I do occasionally write on my phone, but it's a bit of a palaver, really only done when I have a midnight plotbunny or something. But I like the old physical keyboard, so.

(a hybrid tablet would be a handy dandy piece of equipment, I'm sure)

Anyway! So I've just posted the last fic I'll sign up to write in a while. It was the SPN Holidays Exhange that I signed up for months ago, and it was, to be honest, one of the hardest things I've ever written, mostly because as the weather got warmer and there was more stuff to be done in the garden, I just didn't have the time or brain-things to devote to it. That was pretty much a sign to not sign up for anything else until the summer is most definitely over!

So, the plan is, the next thing I sign up for will be Camp NaNo in July. That's midwinter here, nothing much will be going on in the garden (except for planting some garlic), and I'll have a good month of frost beforehand to plan the thing!

(then it'll be August, where I'll start gearing up for next summer again, holy crap)

So, yeah. Something had to give, and it's turned out to be the writing. Which I'm kind of okay with, at least with the whole signing up/obligation stuff. That way lies stress and the fear of letting people down if I can't complete things.

I've also retired from modding the FMF comm on LJ, after two years. I'm barely in the Teen Wolf fandom these days anyway, I've still got friends and connections there, and I'm still watching the show and reading the odd fic, but I'm not writing in that fandom at all anymore, so it's a good time to move on.

So, there's some definite shifting going on around here. I'm not leaving fandom or anythign like that, it would be impossible, for one! It's more like going with the flow, really. I'll be around as long as there's shows and books and shit to love :D Right now that's hanging on every fucking episode of Supernatural Season 11...

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