vampthenewblack: (Default)
[personal profile] vampthenewblack

I miss the days when I obsessed about canon. The days I would sit and transcribe the dialogue of Buffy and Angel episodes. I still have the Latin dictionary I bought to translate the spells and rituals in both series because I needed to know everything. I kept timelines and character bios (yep, that stuff was online, but I totally made my own cos it was fun!). I kept lists of little hints at Angel's history, with plans to fill in the gaps with canon-compliant fic. I wrote some of it, most is lost in the mists of time and a couple of dead computers, or if it remains, it's written longhand in battered, faded notebooks.

I cared, so much about the world and those characters.

I really miss that. I'm older now, busier. Nothing will ever replace Buffy et al as far as fandom goes. Teen Wolf comes damn close, but I haven't so far acquired that all consuming passion. I love it, the world, the concept, the characters, but I lack the fanaticism I felt when Buffy was the thing my world revolved around.

I'm a little concerned that it has something to do with the fact that I can't squee and flail along with everyone else. With Buffy it was fine. I came into the fandom somewhere between Season 4 & 5, and had all that catching up to do, plus, I never really got involved in fandom. It was all still too scary for me ever to get a blog or post fic. And in those days there was no streaming or torrents (if there were, I had no idea they existed, nor would I have been able to partake due to dialup internet—how far we have come!), so spoilers were always well marked. I seem to recall I wasn't that concerned about spoilers anyway. I remember reading transcripts online of episodes that hadn't yet aired in NZ... I could never do that now.

Anyway, I wasn't involved in fandom like I am now. I didn't have fandom friends. I drifted around the outside, reading fic and writing fic I never shared. I had no one to get excited with over my chosen source.

Now I do, and I can't :( I wonder if my lack of squee is a result of having to shut down as soon as the teasers and trailers hit youtube, of having to retreat into my spoiler-proof bubble lest I see or hear something, anything that might give me some indication of what to expect when I eventually get to see the current season. Spoilers induce ridiculously depressive meltdowns in me, why is a whole 'nother story, but they do. So I'm isolated despite the circle of fandom friends I have around me.

I was isolated before. I should just get on with things myself, like I did back in the days when I didn't even admit to my husband that I read and wrote fanfic. But there's this bitter kind of envy that hangs over me like a dark cloud—why do they get to squee with my special fandom friend and I don't?

And maybe that's it. Some kind of sub-conscious self-protection thingy that stops me from feeling the flail. Almost like even the excitement can't penetrate that bubble. I can't let it in, but I can't go completely Teen Wolf free, because I speak to my bestest fandom friend every single day, and she's in the US, and she gets to watch the episodes as they air, and she flails and dies and safe-words out of episodes for reasons I can't allow myself to imagine.

And I could withdraw from one fandom for 3 months if I had to, but I can't withdraw from her.

This season (or half-season, whatever; I'll never understand this whole 3a/3b thing) I am seriously flicking back and forth between 'just download the fucking episodes already' and 'be strong, wait till it's complete'. There are pros and cons for both options. Big on the list of weights and measures is the difference between a complete spoiler-free bubble for 3 months and then a 3b marathon at the end in which I watch all 12 eps in one day, or a regular weekly bubble of 2-3 days, and by the time I do watch, everyone else's squee has faded, and I then have to wait an entire week for the next ep and if it's rife with dramatic cliffies, I'll die, I know I will. This second option also means I'm even more susceptible to spoilers. Just talking with other fans about the ep I maybe just watched invites theories and speculation and tidbits based on teasers, trailers, and 4th wall breakdowns, and for some reason I can't even handle that kind of thing.

And maybe that proves that there is some kind of desperate passion hiding beneath the surface, that I want to keep the source so pure and unpolluted.

I wish I wasn't so busy doing that that I can't feel it.

Date: Wed, Feb. 12th, 2014 02:47 pm (UTC)
thraceadams: (Buffy Angel Family)
From: [personal profile] thraceadams
There is something to be said for marathoning a show. I totally get that. Sometimes it's more enjoyable that way - because there isn't that awful wait between episodes. But on the flip side, it's hard to flail and squee and worry and be afraid for characters you love if you're watching by yourself.

I remember the days I obsessed about canon too. Transcripts, rewatching scenes so I could get the dialogue just right. *sigh* Older, busier, all that.

I don't have an answer. Just wanted to stop by and say *HUGS*

Date: Wed, Feb. 12th, 2014 10:01 pm (UTC)
thraceadams: (Teen Wolf Stiles hugging Papa Stiles)
From: [personal profile] thraceadams
Well that's true, but even three days later ppl are still talking about it. BUT if you prefer to marathon then that's waht you should do. And I agree, you don't forget things when you marathon.

Awww, it sounds like you two have a great system! But yeah, I can understand how not being able to flail and cry along with her this time that is making it hard :(((

Date: Thu, Feb. 13th, 2014 01:18 pm (UTC)
thraceadams: (Adam Wait  Whut?)
From: [personal profile] thraceadams
Yes, I will agree with you there, the theories although fun at times, sometimes only serve to ramp up the stress level /o\

LOLL OMG DOCTOR WHO - it's a PARADOX.

*HUGS*

Date: Thu, Feb. 13th, 2014 06:43 am (UTC)
mistressjinx: derek lookin fyne (derek lookin fyne)
From: [personal profile] mistressjinx
I really wish I had your fortitude to be able to wait and marathon it and avoid all the spoilers/meta. Let me tell you one thing, I will squee with you once it's over. Hell, I'd re-watch in a marathon and tweet reactions with you. (If you want)

I actually think watching in marathon lets you notice things that you might not if you're obsessively dissecting and waiting a week between episodes. You get a chance to see it as it's meant to be seen as a whole.

I'll make sure to be less spoilery on twitter for your sake. I haven't been so good about that.

<3<3<3
Edited Date: Thu, Feb. 13th, 2014 06:44 am (UTC)

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags

Tags

Credit

Powered by Dreamwidth Studios